My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
