he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
