is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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