we're chasing vodka with high fives
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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