Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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