Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
