The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
