Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
