can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
