The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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