I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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