I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
