After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
