Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
