Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
