Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
