I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
