I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
