That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
