I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
