I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
