Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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