Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Boobs speak an international language.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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