My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
