my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
When did we convert life to cartoon?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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