I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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