mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
