He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
