it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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