there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
