someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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