He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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