There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
