sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
