Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
