Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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