I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Randomize
