Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
