LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
