My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
