Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
