You're my little dorito
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
