508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
