butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
