Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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