At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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