No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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