What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
