i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
