he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
